Merry Christmas (late)
Happy new Year (early)
Not dead yet.
28 décembre 2006
14 novembre 2006
who said SSDD?
So you thought I was despairing?
Yeah, I was. Because Miss A was angry, seemingly at me and in reality at her bf.
So I'm less despaired.
And then I'm having my best day at work tomorrow:
Morning: tests on that airplane of our equipment from one of our suppliers to verify the good functioning of one feature I have responsibility for. "Unfortunately", I will be the one with the most extensive knowledge of the feature and will have to perform the tests (instead of the lab guy who won't be here). Major pride!!!
Early afternoon: tests (in the labs) of the equipment from our other supplier to evaluate the situation on their side. I am not responsible for these tests and will only attend as (I hate to love saying it) an "expert" of that same feature. As I've done the tests for the first supplier, my presence was requested to have a first assessment.
Late afternoon: Sheet metal workshop. I'm going to hammer away on my ladle.
So my despair has been replaced by a certain sense of exhilaration and anxiety.
No plans for the evening, yet.
One slight disadvantage of those eventful days: I probably won't see miss A all day. And if she happens to have tests on tuesday, it's going to be one hell of a long time. I'll have to send loads of SMS in the mean time!
Yeah, I was. Because Miss A was angry, seemingly at me and in reality at her bf.
So I'm less despaired.
And then I'm having my best day at work tomorrow:
Morning: tests on that airplane of our equipment from one of our suppliers to verify the good functioning of one feature I have responsibility for. "Unfortunately", I will be the one with the most extensive knowledge of the feature and will have to perform the tests (instead of the lab guy who won't be here). Major pride!!!
Early afternoon: tests (in the labs) of the equipment from our other supplier to evaluate the situation on their side. I am not responsible for these tests and will only attend as (I hate to love saying it) an "expert" of that same feature. As I've done the tests for the first supplier, my presence was requested to have a first assessment.
Late afternoon: Sheet metal workshop. I'm going to hammer away on my ladle.
So my despair has been replaced by a certain sense of exhilaration and anxiety.
No plans for the evening, yet.
One slight disadvantage of those eventful days: I probably won't see miss A all day. And if she happens to have tests on tuesday, it's going to be one hell of a long time. I'll have to send loads of SMS in the mean time!
13 novembre 2006
SSDD
written on September 9th:
still alive
overwhelmed by contradicting emotions
not doing to well
but am ok
don't worry
As accurate now as it was then. Couldn't have said it better.
still alive
overwhelmed by contradicting emotions
not doing to well
but am ok
don't worry
As accurate now as it was then. Couldn't have said it better.
08 octobre 2006
winning?
I've been playing squash for 2 or 3 months now, with colleagues, on average once a week. And whatever their level from total beginner to very confirmed, I've never won a single match, not even a single set.
I lost at least 4 matches I had the level to win.
Am I made to lose?
It's not an empty question with a quick "of course not, you're not made to lose, you just have to be a little bit better", and it's not a question asked in despair. It's all psychological and sociological.
I've lost one match with the intent not to win, but I can't say I would have won if I wanted to. I've lost matches because I'm plainly not good enough. And I've lost matches because I hate the pressure that comes with competition. I litteraly buckle under the lightest stress. And when my adversary takes the advantage by even 2 points, I'll just let the match go, lose 5 or 6 points straight, not even returning a service. Because after that, I'm not in a position to win anymore and I can enjoy myself once again with no objective.
But I hate losing too, especially to people worse than me or total beginners. I'm a sore loser.
There's one case where winning will be easy, if I'm playing against someone who's totally inept, and won't show any resistance. Not a match really.
I've seen that again this past thursday. Me along with 27 other people from my company went for a go-kart competition. 14 teams of 2 racers. The sport is interesting, the go-karts handle like go-karts are supposed to. Fast, but unforgiving. With no pressure, I'm acceptably slow; with pressure, I'm quite faster, until a late braking sends me in a spin. I hated the racing part of it, I'm slower than pretty much anyone, so not much competition or fun there. But the driving part of it is great! Go-karts tend to go sideways a lot, but "it's slow, so you shouldn't". Yeah right. It's fun! and that's the whole point of it! Winning or losing is for winners. I've paid almost 45 euros for 24 minutes of driving plus a meal. And I want to go sideways. Period.
Winning is telling someone else "I'm better than you", or even "Maybe you were better, but that changed". I'll have to have a very strong link with anyone to allow myself that freedom.
Or is this all just an excuse for losing with a heart?
I lost at least 4 matches I had the level to win.
Am I made to lose?
It's not an empty question with a quick "of course not, you're not made to lose, you just have to be a little bit better", and it's not a question asked in despair. It's all psychological and sociological.
I've lost one match with the intent not to win, but I can't say I would have won if I wanted to. I've lost matches because I'm plainly not good enough. And I've lost matches because I hate the pressure that comes with competition. I litteraly buckle under the lightest stress. And when my adversary takes the advantage by even 2 points, I'll just let the match go, lose 5 or 6 points straight, not even returning a service. Because after that, I'm not in a position to win anymore and I can enjoy myself once again with no objective.
But I hate losing too, especially to people worse than me or total beginners. I'm a sore loser.
There's one case where winning will be easy, if I'm playing against someone who's totally inept, and won't show any resistance. Not a match really.
I've seen that again this past thursday. Me along with 27 other people from my company went for a go-kart competition. 14 teams of 2 racers. The sport is interesting, the go-karts handle like go-karts are supposed to. Fast, but unforgiving. With no pressure, I'm acceptably slow; with pressure, I'm quite faster, until a late braking sends me in a spin. I hated the racing part of it, I'm slower than pretty much anyone, so not much competition or fun there. But the driving part of it is great! Go-karts tend to go sideways a lot, but "it's slow, so you shouldn't". Yeah right. It's fun! and that's the whole point of it! Winning or losing is for winners. I've paid almost 45 euros for 24 minutes of driving plus a meal. And I want to go sideways. Period.
Winning is telling someone else "I'm better than you", or even "Maybe you were better, but that changed". I'll have to have a very strong link with anyone to allow myself that freedom.
Or is this all just an excuse for losing with a heart?
24 septembre 2006
I like boudin noir
and I consider myself tagged
How do you like your eggs?: with potatoes and cheese, in omelet
How do you take your coffee/tea: coffee, as prepared at work, black, no sugar. Or cappuccino if available. Tea, strong, black, no sugar, maybe with honey.
Favorite breakfast foods: No breakfast, but a massive bowl of milk with cereals is nice. Plus another helping of cereals. And a rhubarb jam tartine.
Peanut butter: the original, the dutch one. The Calve brand, and none of that american stuff. But not more than a tea spoon a month.
What kind of dressing on your salad?: It all depends on the salad, but balsamic vinegar and olive oil is a good start.
Coke or Pepsi?: Coke, Diet Lemon if possible.
You're feeling lazy. What do you make?: take-away
You're feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order?: 4 cheese; tex-mex with jalapeno peppers; goat cheese and honey.
You feel like cooking. What do you make?: A salad, with what's in stock.
Do any foods bring back good memories?: Yup, Nems will always remind me of my regular visits to the Hopital pour Enfants Robert Debre. Not actually a good memory, but the meal afterwards meant I could forget it until the next visit, 6 months later.
Do any foods remind you of someone?: Rhubarb jam, noone does it like my father, noone. Creme Peruvienne, my father's mother. Scenery inspired birthday cakes, my other grandma... Lots
Is there a food you refuse to eat?: I don't consider it food, but there are meats I'm never going to eat. And then, oysters and snails. I don't intend to try insects either.
What was your favorite food as a child? Ask my mom, I wouldn't know.
Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? not really. I don't enjoy cooked vegetables, but it's just not something I love much.
Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? Pumpkin soup, yuck.
Favorite fruit & vegetable: Fruit: watermellon. Vegetable: does salad count?
Favorite junk food: junk food in general. MacDonald's and Quick are safe bets on any given day.
Favorite between meal snack: cereal bars, cheese, ham, sweets
Do you have any weird food habits: Why cook when you can buy?
You're on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? Not applicable
How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? It's never that spicy in france anyway.
Can I get you a drink? Menthe a l'eau, orangina, coke, beer, water, white wine, milk, fruit juice...
Red wine or white? What's the main dish?
We only have beer: A bitter ale, a stout, an amber, a belgian white...
Favorite dessert? tarte tatin forever!!!!
How do you like your eggs?: with potatoes and cheese, in omelet
How do you take your coffee/tea: coffee, as prepared at work, black, no sugar. Or cappuccino if available. Tea, strong, black, no sugar, maybe with honey.
Favorite breakfast foods: No breakfast, but a massive bowl of milk with cereals is nice. Plus another helping of cereals. And a rhubarb jam tartine.
Peanut butter: the original, the dutch one. The Calve brand, and none of that american stuff. But not more than a tea spoon a month.
What kind of dressing on your salad?: It all depends on the salad, but balsamic vinegar and olive oil is a good start.
Coke or Pepsi?: Coke, Diet Lemon if possible.
You're feeling lazy. What do you make?: take-away
You're feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order?: 4 cheese; tex-mex with jalapeno peppers; goat cheese and honey.
You feel like cooking. What do you make?: A salad, with what's in stock.
Do any foods bring back good memories?: Yup, Nems will always remind me of my regular visits to the Hopital pour Enfants Robert Debre. Not actually a good memory, but the meal afterwards meant I could forget it until the next visit, 6 months later.
Do any foods remind you of someone?: Rhubarb jam, noone does it like my father, noone. Creme Peruvienne, my father's mother. Scenery inspired birthday cakes, my other grandma... Lots
Is there a food you refuse to eat?: I don't consider it food, but there are meats I'm never going to eat. And then, oysters and snails. I don't intend to try insects either.
What was your favorite food as a child? Ask my mom, I wouldn't know.
Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? not really. I don't enjoy cooked vegetables, but it's just not something I love much.
Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? Pumpkin soup, yuck.
Favorite fruit & vegetable: Fruit: watermellon. Vegetable: does salad count?
Favorite junk food: junk food in general. MacDonald's and Quick are safe bets on any given day.
Favorite between meal snack: cereal bars, cheese, ham, sweets
Do you have any weird food habits: Why cook when you can buy?
You're on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? Not applicable
How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? It's never that spicy in france anyway.
Can I get you a drink? Menthe a l'eau, orangina, coke, beer, water, white wine, milk, fruit juice...
Red wine or white? What's the main dish?
We only have beer: A bitter ale, a stout, an amber, a belgian white...
Favorite dessert? tarte tatin forever!!!!
Inscription à :
Articles (Atom)