Today was supposed to a tough long enjoyable day.
Much work to do in the morning at work.
Participation to a recruitment forum organised by my company in the afternoon.
Internal meeting of interested members of my Business Unit to present current activities in the afternoon.
8:10AM to 9PM, long. Tough. But enjoyable.
It turned out quite the opposite.
Arrived later than planned due to traffic jams in the center.
When the hip cool guys from work arrived (that includes miss A), I suddenly became the center of their interest, not for the best. Told them to shut it, got told that "I have no humour". Rinse and repeat at various points of the morning.
Afternoon was not up to my expectations, tricky questions from candidates on points that bore me to death (hierarchic evolution, forced mobility, yada yada). Got freed early so went back to work to get stuff done. Computer locked by boss for upgrade, and same poetry from the group. Much laughter about how today was "my day".
Evening meeting was ok, but I had turned sour by then. Which means that the meeting felt useless, too long, and Mr Cool spent it blabbering with Miss Cool in the background. Can you feel jealousy?
So now I'm boiling with anger. I'm not one of the cool ones. I'll never be. And I despise Mr Cool for being able to be Mr Cool with no fucking reason whatsoever. And I despise the Cool girls for choosing him and not choosing me. I despise myself for caring about it so much and for caring about "her" so much. This is driving me insane.
I'm supposed to be at work in less than 10 hours. I'm never going to sleep tonight. Too much anger, too much stress, hopelessness.
Why do I care so much?
11 octobre 2007
21 septembre 2007
On holidays
officially, until the end of the month.
Leaving in an hour for Rabastens where I'll meet other recumbent cyclists for a little ride tomorrow. Back on Sunday.
Not that you'll notice, anyway.
Leaving in an hour for Rabastens where I'll meet other recumbent cyclists for a little ride tomorrow. Back on Sunday.
Not that you'll notice, anyway.
14 septembre 2007
South Africa-England
That was supposed to be the second "must see" match of the Rugby World Cup.
36-0.
Must. See. NOT.
Ok, the english did fight. A bit. For 10 minutes. Or less.
Complete and utter domination. One way fight.
Watched the match at the Prairie des filtres with 3 colleagues. It's pretty much part of the culture in France to root for the underdog, but this was an extreme. Either the underdog is really an outsider or it's putting up a fight. England wasn't the former didn't do the latter.
They're actually the first team to lose a game with NO points.
Let's hope tomorrow's matches will be more entertaining.
Let's hope France shows is superiority on Namiby on sunday.
The South African/South Africa supporter girl on our left was utterly cute, even for a blonde.
36-0.
Must. See. NOT.
Ok, the english did fight. A bit. For 10 minutes. Or less.
Complete and utter domination. One way fight.
Watched the match at the Prairie des filtres with 3 colleagues. It's pretty much part of the culture in France to root for the underdog, but this was an extreme. Either the underdog is really an outsider or it's putting up a fight. England wasn't the former didn't do the latter.
They're actually the first team to lose a game with NO points.
Let's hope tomorrow's matches will be more entertaining.
Let's hope France shows is superiority on Namiby on sunday.
The South African/South Africa supporter girl on our left was utterly cute, even for a blonde.
24 juillet 2007
I have read it
and I have enjoyed it. I think it took me 9 hours to get through it, waiting for my plane, flying back to Toulouse and lazing on the bed monday afternoon.
The story is a fitting conclusion to the 6 previous ones, with the required twists and turns of the intrigue. It's also a departure from the other books, for many different reasons.
It closes an era, which had started when HP4 was published and I discovered the books. I'm not going to fall in depression over the intrigue or over the end of my expectations. I really enjoyed the 7 books, and hope to find the same excitement with other books and stories.
I'm currently reading Digital Fortress, from Dan Brown. It seems to be lacking on the technical part, as the Da Vinci Code did. But the scenario is nicely built. That's one book I'll have troubles remembering, 3 months from now, but it entertains me.
The story is a fitting conclusion to the 6 previous ones, with the required twists and turns of the intrigue. It's also a departure from the other books, for many different reasons.
It closes an era, which had started when HP4 was published and I discovered the books. I'm not going to fall in depression over the intrigue or over the end of my expectations. I really enjoyed the 7 books, and hope to find the same excitement with other books and stories.
I'm currently reading Digital Fortress, from Dan Brown. It seems to be lacking on the technical part, as the Da Vinci Code did. But the scenario is nicely built. That's one book I'll have troubles remembering, 3 months from now, but it entertains me.
21 juillet 2007
I have it
And will read it on sunday night in the plane and on monday!!
This fine example is my very own.
I wanted to show a pic of it, but I'm afraid JKR's lawyers are going to sue the bike and the HP book outta me.
This fine example is my very own.
I wanted to show a pic of it, but I'm afraid JKR's lawyers are going to sue the bike and the HP book outta me.
05 juillet 2007
'nother blog
Guess what's the subject? I'm separating it from my "personal" blog which is this one, because it's going to be less personal.
Different audiences, different editorial content (is that the correct terminology?), different places.
As a side-bonus and as an introduction, I'm the guy in the white T-shirt with the sunglasses.
here's the blog. trois roues, deux pedales
Different audiences, different editorial content (is that the correct terminology?), different places.
As a side-bonus and as an introduction, I'm the guy in the white T-shirt with the sunglasses.
here's the blog. trois roues, deux pedales
03 juillet 2007
So I'm buying it.
It's gonna rip three thousand euros from my bank account, it's gonna be impractical, it's gonna make me look like a nerd/wacko/disabled/attention-whore. But it's gonna be mine.
Don't try to convince me against it. In fact, i've already ordered it and I should have it before August.
Too bad I have a tendinitis developing in my right knee.
Don't try to convince me against it. In fact, i've already ordered it and I should have it before August.
Too bad I have a tendinitis developing in my right knee.
09 juin 2007
That was totally wicked!!
...he said. You know, the little kid on the tricycle in The Incredibles. When Daddy Incredible lifts his car up in the air. And then he said something like "awesome" a while later. If you haven't seen that movie, what the hell are you doing here?
Well I will steal those two deep and profound sentences and make them my own.
Because that's what I thought all afternoon. See, it's Bike Week in France. And today was Bike Day. So there was a big ride (240 bikes, no kiddin' around) from the Capitole to the Dream Prairie. And my favourite shop gave a few people their most distinctive bikes to draw a bit of attention to them. Guess what I had for the ride?
That TOTALLY WICKED AWESOMEST trice!!!!!! Man I feel like a kid who got his first tricycle and intends to destroy every wall of the house bumping into them. I'm that happy.
Everyone who could look at me looked at me (that's 240 people plus the kids, plus the camera crew, plus photographers...), which was nice. Everyone kept asking questions, and I kept repeating it wasn't my own, but that it was going to be this year's christmas gift. And that anything that fun had to be illegal.
There were 3 other recumbent bikes, one power-assisted bike, and one vanilla city bike, all from the shop. Then, some other participants had 2 other trikes, including the very one I want, plus a couple of other recumbents. One had done a round-the-globe adventure, 27 months, 44 thousand kilometers.
the ride itself didn't take very long, but it just felt fun, and I managed to lift a wheel intentionally and kept it there during a turn. It did cause a sensation for those behind.
The break at the prairie was nice too, along the Canal du Midi, with trees along the best bike path in the region. And again, many questions, and many testers. After all, the bikes were there for this reason: showing, testing, trying, having fun. I'd say 50 trials were made at the very least, from the casual rider looking for a comfy bike (HPV Spirit), to the long-retired cyclo tourist who does 25kms a day at least and wants to try it another way. It just felt like a great human experience. At one point, a strange-talking cyclist on a well-used bike stopped for a try. With those worn out bike clothes, the tired bike, it pointed to the long-distance rider. He tried the trike (great fun), the Spirit (leather chair but a tad nervous), the Street Machine
(that guy was born on one of those), and then the Azub MAX (not that easy, but THAT interesting). He had some insightful questions, and had a long chat with the Azub rider who went to Gilbraltar on a recumbent. We may see him again.
The group of shop owner, staff, customers and will-be customers really spent the afternoon helping, sharing, explaining to all. Then came time for the trip back, just the 6 of us. I gave up the trike for powe-assisted bike, mucho less fun, but then I could see the people stare at the 4 unusuals. Priceless! I really felt like part of a community, and that got worse when we stopped at F.'s flat for a beer or two. We'll meet again to ride together maybe even this month. And then we'll probably meet again for a beer or two. It so happens that the current shop accountant is a cute little brunette (not gonna hit on her, yet) who's just dying to get a trice too and who got all soft when I talked about going to Cornwall to visit the factory and test all their crazy contraptions. Not hitting on her (yet), but we may just make the trip together, some day.
And with that, I'm still high on adrenalin. Tomorrow, election day in France, plus I'm visiting friends who had a baby a month ago. Kewl!
Well I will steal those two deep and profound sentences and make them my own.
Because that's what I thought all afternoon. See, it's Bike Week in France. And today was Bike Day. So there was a big ride (240 bikes, no kiddin' around) from the Capitole to the Dream Prairie. And my favourite shop gave a few people their most distinctive bikes to draw a bit of attention to them. Guess what I had for the ride?
That TOTALLY WICKED AWESOMEST trice!!!!!! Man I feel like a kid who got his first tricycle and intends to destroy every wall of the house bumping into them. I'm that happy.
Everyone who could look at me looked at me (that's 240 people plus the kids, plus the camera crew, plus photographers...), which was nice. Everyone kept asking questions, and I kept repeating it wasn't my own, but that it was going to be this year's christmas gift. And that anything that fun had to be illegal.
There were 3 other recumbent bikes, one power-assisted bike, and one vanilla city bike, all from the shop. Then, some other participants had 2 other trikes, including the very one I want, plus a couple of other recumbents. One had done a round-the-globe adventure, 27 months, 44 thousand kilometers.
the ride itself didn't take very long, but it just felt fun, and I managed to lift a wheel intentionally and kept it there during a turn. It did cause a sensation for those behind.
The break at the prairie was nice too, along the Canal du Midi, with trees along the best bike path in the region. And again, many questions, and many testers. After all, the bikes were there for this reason: showing, testing, trying, having fun. I'd say 50 trials were made at the very least, from the casual rider looking for a comfy bike (HPV Spirit), to the long-retired cyclo tourist who does 25kms a day at least and wants to try it another way. It just felt like a great human experience. At one point, a strange-talking cyclist on a well-used bike stopped for a try. With those worn out bike clothes, the tired bike, it pointed to the long-distance rider. He tried the trike (great fun), the Spirit (leather chair but a tad nervous), the Street Machine
(that guy was born on one of those), and then the Azub MAX (not that easy, but THAT interesting). He had some insightful questions, and had a long chat with the Azub rider who went to Gilbraltar on a recumbent. We may see him again.
The group of shop owner, staff, customers and will-be customers really spent the afternoon helping, sharing, explaining to all. Then came time for the trip back, just the 6 of us. I gave up the trike for powe-assisted bike, mucho less fun, but then I could see the people stare at the 4 unusuals. Priceless! I really felt like part of a community, and that got worse when we stopped at F.'s flat for a beer or two. We'll meet again to ride together maybe even this month. And then we'll probably meet again for a beer or two. It so happens that the current shop accountant is a cute little brunette (not gonna hit on her, yet) who's just dying to get a trice too and who got all soft when I talked about going to Cornwall to visit the factory and test all their crazy contraptions. Not hitting on her (yet), but we may just make the trip together, some day.
And with that, I'm still high on adrenalin. Tomorrow, election day in France, plus I'm visiting friends who had a baby a month ago. Kewl!
31 mai 2007
ca fait 2 mois (et 4 jours)
Hello,
oui, comme on me l'a fait remarquer, mon dernier billet remonte au 27 mars. Ca fait 2 mois (et 4 jours). On m'a dit un jour que je n'ecrivais que quand ca n'allait pas. Donc j'ai decide d'arreter d'ecrire quand ca ne va pas. Mais comme je n'ecris pas quand ca va... Et bien, je n'ecris pas beaucoup tout court.
Les deux derniers mois ont ete un peu difficiles, quelques problemes au taf, quelques problemes en dehors du taf, et rien de passionnant nul part. Un peu de haut, beaucoup de bas, sans vraiment savoir ce que je pouvais faire pour m'en sortir.
Il y aurait beaucoup a dire, mais apres tout, ces noeuds au cerveau ne sont-ils pas simplement les fruits d'un cerveau qui fonctionne trop.
Un jour, un specialiste me confirmera que je suis atteint d'une forme legere d'autisme. Ca n'etonnera ni moi, ni ma mere (maman, tu ne pourras jamais cacher que tu y a aussi pense apres ta spontaneite quand j'ai evoque cette possibilite un soir). Ca expliquera des choses, ca n'excusera jamais rien, et ca apportera un peu de romanesque dans une vie superficielle et ininterressante.
Sur ce... Et croyez-moi, je suis dans un bon jour aujourd'hui.
oui, comme on me l'a fait remarquer, mon dernier billet remonte au 27 mars. Ca fait 2 mois (et 4 jours). On m'a dit un jour que je n'ecrivais que quand ca n'allait pas. Donc j'ai decide d'arreter d'ecrire quand ca ne va pas. Mais comme je n'ecris pas quand ca va... Et bien, je n'ecris pas beaucoup tout court.
Les deux derniers mois ont ete un peu difficiles, quelques problemes au taf, quelques problemes en dehors du taf, et rien de passionnant nul part. Un peu de haut, beaucoup de bas, sans vraiment savoir ce que je pouvais faire pour m'en sortir.
Il y aurait beaucoup a dire, mais apres tout, ces noeuds au cerveau ne sont-ils pas simplement les fruits d'un cerveau qui fonctionne trop.
Un jour, un specialiste me confirmera que je suis atteint d'une forme legere d'autisme. Ca n'etonnera ni moi, ni ma mere (maman, tu ne pourras jamais cacher que tu y a aussi pense apres ta spontaneite quand j'ai evoque cette possibilite un soir). Ca expliquera des choses, ca n'excusera jamais rien, et ca apportera un peu de romanesque dans une vie superficielle et ininterressante.
Sur ce... Et croyez-moi, je suis dans un bon jour aujourd'hui.
27 mars 2007
My main is a lvl30 Hunter NE
Those in the know will have recognised the World of Warcraft leetspeak.
I've started playing less than 2 months ago, I'm hooked.
In a nutshell, WoW is an computer game that one plays on the internet. A massive virtual world has been invented and is hosted on an equally massive server, where every player has a character.
Of a given race (human, dwarf, gnome, night elf, Draenei, orc, troll, undead, tauren or blood elf)
Of a given class (warrior, mage, priest, warlock, hunter, paladin, shaman, druid, rogue)
And then on with a list of attributes that make it unique (or so they say).
Everyone character lives in the same world, so I can play with other characters to fulfill quests I've received in the game and that are too hard to complete by myself. When I meet a character from the Horde (bad guys, me Alliance good guy), battle ensues and I usually lose.
The items (like pieces of armor, weapons, potions, food...) I win from killing monsters (that aren't players from the Horde) I can use for myself, or sell to other players. Which means, if I need a new piece of armor, I'm going to buy it from another player too.
There are many things going for this game/type of game. It's become fairly popular, so the player population isn't only teenage male nerds with no social life. The fact that you can play many kinds of characters (fighters/healers, tall/small, cute/ugly, male/female, loyal/vicious...) gives the opportunity to be someone else "in there". The world is big and varied, the quests are challenging, the interactivity is pretty good. I like it.
So, what does it say about me?
I'm a night elf, the tallest and supposedly most beautiful race. I'm a male, that says what that says. I'm a hunter, I kill from afar and let a domesticated pet (a boar at the moment) get beaten for me. But I'm not killing from behind like a rogue. And I can play solo a lot.
My first profession is miner, because everyone wants metal and I can sell it at insane prices and be rich fast.
My second profession is enchanter, but I don't like it much.
I can cook, fish and make bandages (cuz everyone can and I need to feed my pet).
I'm level 30 in less than 2 months. I'm playing way to much.
Oh and I talked at the first person, which means that I'm a good audience, and that maybe I put too much of myself in there.
If anyone plays WoW on the european servers (in french or english), let me know. I'd very much like to try a horde chara, a warlock, and Engineering professions. And it may just be fun to meet halfway between the immaterial world of the blog and the very material world of RL.
Lhaatinn
I've started playing less than 2 months ago, I'm hooked.
In a nutshell, WoW is an computer game that one plays on the internet. A massive virtual world has been invented and is hosted on an equally massive server, where every player has a character.
Of a given race (human, dwarf, gnome, night elf, Draenei, orc, troll, undead, tauren or blood elf)
Of a given class (warrior, mage, priest, warlock, hunter, paladin, shaman, druid, rogue)
And then on with a list of attributes that make it unique (or so they say).
Everyone character lives in the same world, so I can play with other characters to fulfill quests I've received in the game and that are too hard to complete by myself. When I meet a character from the Horde (bad guys, me Alliance good guy), battle ensues and I usually lose.
The items (like pieces of armor, weapons, potions, food...) I win from killing monsters (that aren't players from the Horde) I can use for myself, or sell to other players. Which means, if I need a new piece of armor, I'm going to buy it from another player too.
There are many things going for this game/type of game. It's become fairly popular, so the player population isn't only teenage male nerds with no social life. The fact that you can play many kinds of characters (fighters/healers, tall/small, cute/ugly, male/female, loyal/vicious...) gives the opportunity to be someone else "in there". The world is big and varied, the quests are challenging, the interactivity is pretty good. I like it.
So, what does it say about me?
I'm a night elf, the tallest and supposedly most beautiful race. I'm a male, that says what that says. I'm a hunter, I kill from afar and let a domesticated pet (a boar at the moment) get beaten for me. But I'm not killing from behind like a rogue. And I can play solo a lot.
My first profession is miner, because everyone wants metal and I can sell it at insane prices and be rich fast.
My second profession is enchanter, but I don't like it much.
I can cook, fish and make bandages (cuz everyone can and I need to feed my pet).
I'm level 30 in less than 2 months. I'm playing way to much.
Oh and I talked at the first person, which means that I'm a good audience, and that maybe I put too much of myself in there.
If anyone plays WoW on the european servers (in french or english), let me know. I'd very much like to try a horde chara, a warlock, and Engineering professions. And it may just be fun to meet halfway between the immaterial world of the blog and the very material world of RL.
Lhaatinn
a month of news
The sad news of the day (for an aircraft enthusiast)
We have received a little mail at work this afternoon that the A300-600 MSN878 has left the Final Assembly Line at Airbus today. This particular aircraft is the last aircraft of the Wide Body family that was to be built by airbus. It's the direct descendant of the A300B2 that first flew on October 28th, 1972 and launched airbus into the aeronautics industry.
!972 was years before my birth, by I still feel quite sad to see those airplanes go. Of course, those that have just been delivered will still fly for many years for their operators, but still, I'm sad. And those who lived in toulouse around 1973-1974 (as my parents who I sent a mail to to annouce the news) may feel a bit of nostalgy tonight.
Apart from that, you ask?
I'm going to Paris this week end, see friends, see Flo, see Manon, and party like hell.
I'm going to Holland for Easter, see the parents, see the tulips and eat a pannekoek.
Work is ok, better than it had been for a long time. Except I have maybe too much to handle at the moment.
Post scriptum: Flo, j'ai toujours la photo de ta gamine dans son fauteuil/landau ou autre sur le bureau sur mon ordi. A chaque fois que je vois la vignette, je m'arrete dessus. Et je dois bien ouvrir la photo 3 fois par jour. J'ai hate de vous revoir.
Post scriptum 2: everyone else, Flo has the cutest baby ever, and I'm seeing them both in 5 days!!! I stand by my statement.
We have received a little mail at work this afternoon that the A300-600 MSN878 has left the Final Assembly Line at Airbus today. This particular aircraft is the last aircraft of the Wide Body family that was to be built by airbus. It's the direct descendant of the A300B2 that first flew on October 28th, 1972 and launched airbus into the aeronautics industry.
!972 was years before my birth, by I still feel quite sad to see those airplanes go. Of course, those that have just been delivered will still fly for many years for their operators, but still, I'm sad. And those who lived in toulouse around 1973-1974 (as my parents who I sent a mail to to annouce the news) may feel a bit of nostalgy tonight.
Apart from that, you ask?
I'm going to Paris this week end, see friends, see Flo, see Manon, and party like hell.
I'm going to Holland for Easter, see the parents, see the tulips and eat a pannekoek.
Work is ok, better than it had been for a long time. Except I have maybe too much to handle at the moment.
Post scriptum: Flo, j'ai toujours la photo de ta gamine dans son fauteuil/landau ou autre sur le bureau sur mon ordi. A chaque fois que je vois la vignette, je m'arrete dessus. Et je dois bien ouvrir la photo 3 fois par jour. J'ai hate de vous revoir.
Post scriptum 2: everyone else, Flo has the cutest baby ever, and I'm seeing them both in 5 days!!! I stand by my statement.
25 février 2007
trains
It took me years to stop messing my journeys by train.
I wish I'd at least know where I'm going in my journey through life.
I wish I'd at least know where I'm going in my journey through life.
13 février 2007
petit questionnaire
ok, ok, je vais mettre mon blog a jour en francais!!
tire du blog de monpetitchaton
7 choses que je fais bien:
heu
ben
sortir des blagues a la con
parler anglais
maintenir ma chambre dans un desordre digne de ce nom
pedaler (c'est pas complique, mais bon)
me passionner pour les trucs les plus inhabituels
7 choses que je fais mal:
ecouter
cuisiner
conduire
menager la sensibilite des autres
parler allemand
me retenir d'ennuyer le monde avec mes trucs inhabituels
jouer au squash
7 choses que j'aime chez les femmes (personne en particulier mais certaines en particulier)
la vivacite
la sensibilite
les formes la ou il faut
les yeux
les interets partages
la difference de perception
la tuture!!
7 beguins celebres:
Jane March
Christina Ricci
Emilie Dequenne
Boo!! (Monsters, Inc.)
Mena Suvari
Jennifer Connelly (en tirant sur la corde)
Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes et Anna Nicole Smith
7 personnes qui doivent faire ce petit jeu:
j'suis pas sur d'avoir 7 lecteurs!! Mais si vous voulez participer, plus il y a de fous plus il y a de riz!
tire du blog de monpetitchaton
7 choses que je fais bien:
heu
ben
sortir des blagues a la con
parler anglais
maintenir ma chambre dans un desordre digne de ce nom
pedaler (c'est pas complique, mais bon)
me passionner pour les trucs les plus inhabituels
7 choses que je fais mal:
ecouter
cuisiner
conduire
menager la sensibilite des autres
parler allemand
me retenir d'ennuyer le monde avec mes trucs inhabituels
jouer au squash
7 choses que j'aime chez les femmes (personne en particulier mais certaines en particulier)
la vivacite
la sensibilite
les formes la ou il faut
les yeux
les interets partages
la difference de perception
la tuture!!
7 beguins celebres:
Jane March
Christina Ricci
Emilie Dequenne
Boo!! (Monsters, Inc.)
Mena Suvari
Jennifer Connelly (en tirant sur la corde)
Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes et Anna Nicole Smith
7 personnes qui doivent faire ce petit jeu:
j'suis pas sur d'avoir 7 lecteurs!! Mais si vous voulez participer, plus il y a de fous plus il y a de riz!
26 janvier 2007
...I received a gift today
Bad day, bad week, bad month.
I probably haven't been so close to depression in years, or is it that I haven't been that deep in a depression as I am now.
I hate my life, I hate my job, and I loathe myself with my weaknesses and superficiality. I hate being the fool, I hate feeling like everyone's better than me, is happier than me, is brighter than me, is more energetic than me. I hate being left behind. I hate being on the edge of any group but not part of it. I hate the cold that forces me inside and won't allow me to cycle my problems away. I hate being lonely. I hate not having anyone to talk to, I hate living by myself, sharing only the scrapes of paint of my life and nothing deeper. I hate having to deal with complete morons, having to listen to people I hate, having to not shout how stupid they are, having to stay there and not run away in a deep hole in the middle of the Massif Central. I hate lusting about a freaking bike, because the only use of that bike is the excitement that comes before I buy it. Build excitement by whatever means, if it can alleviate the sadness and the emptiness.
I got a gift today. In my mail box. It has my address on it, three times, so it's mine. It's an internet-bought gift. sent in an anonymous bubble-wrapped white enveloppe. Regular mail, coming from somewhere in the department 72 (no idea where that is). I can feel by the deformation pattern that it's a book, paperback, not an inch thick, 5 by 7 maybe. The book is a blue manga, with an elaborate cover. On the binding side (right one, it's published in the original reading direction), a crying woman is drawn, from slightly above. Dark haired, big sad eyes. The background against which her lines are drawn is the photograph of water drops on a glass surface. The woman wears a shirt on a simple Tshirt, and maybe a skirt.
On the left side, the book title Vague a l'ame and the artist's name, Mari Okazaki. No idea if that's a man or a woman.
It only took that long, to get me to the verge of tears. Bad day, bad week, bad month, depressing music on my bus ride from work (Apocalyptica plays Metallica by Four Cellos), and an anonymous book in my mailbox that ostensibly deals with the wanderings of the soul. Less than a minute from the moment I found the package in the mailbox to the moment I opened it in my flat.
There was the receipt of the delivery form inside the book, it was bought at one of online shops I know. No information on who bought it. The gift shall remain anonymous until the gracious friend who sent it tells me he's the one.
There's a certain romance to this anonymity, it feels like there's someone watching after me from afar. It's comforting, it's reassuring, it says "hey, even if you haven't told it to anyone, I know you're not doing well and I care". Flimsy sentiment, but if that's the only thing that keeps in the sane world, then I'll deal with the flimsy.
So, to whoever has offered my this precious gift, thank you, it's more appreciated than you probably thought it would be. Simply give me a little time to read the 3 remaining short stories. The first was great, but I can't read when I'm crying.
I probably haven't been so close to depression in years, or is it that I haven't been that deep in a depression as I am now.
I hate my life, I hate my job, and I loathe myself with my weaknesses and superficiality. I hate being the fool, I hate feeling like everyone's better than me, is happier than me, is brighter than me, is more energetic than me. I hate being left behind. I hate being on the edge of any group but not part of it. I hate the cold that forces me inside and won't allow me to cycle my problems away. I hate being lonely. I hate not having anyone to talk to, I hate living by myself, sharing only the scrapes of paint of my life and nothing deeper. I hate having to deal with complete morons, having to listen to people I hate, having to not shout how stupid they are, having to stay there and not run away in a deep hole in the middle of the Massif Central. I hate lusting about a freaking bike, because the only use of that bike is the excitement that comes before I buy it. Build excitement by whatever means, if it can alleviate the sadness and the emptiness.
I got a gift today. In my mail box. It has my address on it, three times, so it's mine. It's an internet-bought gift. sent in an anonymous bubble-wrapped white enveloppe. Regular mail, coming from somewhere in the department 72 (no idea where that is). I can feel by the deformation pattern that it's a book, paperback, not an inch thick, 5 by 7 maybe. The book is a blue manga, with an elaborate cover. On the binding side (right one, it's published in the original reading direction), a crying woman is drawn, from slightly above. Dark haired, big sad eyes. The background against which her lines are drawn is the photograph of water drops on a glass surface. The woman wears a shirt on a simple Tshirt, and maybe a skirt.
On the left side, the book title Vague a l'ame and the artist's name, Mari Okazaki. No idea if that's a man or a woman.
It only took that long, to get me to the verge of tears. Bad day, bad week, bad month, depressing music on my bus ride from work (Apocalyptica plays Metallica by Four Cellos), and an anonymous book in my mailbox that ostensibly deals with the wanderings of the soul. Less than a minute from the moment I found the package in the mailbox to the moment I opened it in my flat.
There was the receipt of the delivery form inside the book, it was bought at one of online shops I know. No information on who bought it. The gift shall remain anonymous until the gracious friend who sent it tells me he's the one.
There's a certain romance to this anonymity, it feels like there's someone watching after me from afar. It's comforting, it's reassuring, it says "hey, even if you haven't told it to anyone, I know you're not doing well and I care". Flimsy sentiment, but if that's the only thing that keeps in the sane world, then I'll deal with the flimsy.
So, to whoever has offered my this precious gift, thank you, it's more appreciated than you probably thought it would be. Simply give me a little time to read the 3 remaining short stories. The first was great, but I can't read when I'm crying.
06 janvier 2007
why a blog? why a new bike?
that question occured to me a number of times already.
I'm not much of a writer, my life is rather boring, I can spend the longest time without writing anything, and when I decide to write I realize before I start writing that the post is yet again not going to turn out the way I wanted. Which means it will probably turn out worse than I wanted, not relaying what I did want to tell (and just plainly boring).
To the point.
I've been looking into a replacement for my current bicycle, which does the job efficiently but nothing more. It doens't look good, it doesn't look elegant, it doesn't have personality except "I'd like to look like an elegant dutch bike, but I'm too cheap-ass to manage it". So I've looked into real lookers, like this one:
Fantastic, right? 22.3 kg, no brakes, except back-pedaling ones. Yeah right.
I hate compromise, compromise makes everyone unhappy. So, no, I'm not going to buy another city bikes like this one:
(that's the one I have, the wheels are too small to look good, the frame bends, the saddle isn't comfortable, it's too small altogether, the fenders are wrong, the wheel chain isn't fully enclosed, it looks like it was "designed by committee".
I can live with it, honest. But I don't LIKE it, and I'm not PROUD of it. I don't want to show it to everyone (apart to point out that I ride to work 4 almost everyday).
So, as my teachers said:"I don't care about your problems, I only care about your solutions".
I hereby bring you my solution to my very own problem:
TADAAAAA!!!
Yeah, I know "no compromise". But gawd, it looks gorgeous, it turns heads, and it has THAAAAAAAAT MUCH PERSONALITY. So, until I realize This Is A Bad Idea (tm), I'll be looking to buy one of these, some time in a year. As I've been thinking almost exlusively about this for the better part of 2 months now, I'll probably write more about it in the coming months).
And I'm still looking to go to Oz within a year or so. The trike may wait, friends have waited long enough (wink, wink).
I'm not much of a writer, my life is rather boring, I can spend the longest time without writing anything, and when I decide to write I realize before I start writing that the post is yet again not going to turn out the way I wanted. Which means it will probably turn out worse than I wanted, not relaying what I did want to tell (and just plainly boring).
To the point.
I've been looking into a replacement for my current bicycle, which does the job efficiently but nothing more. It doens't look good, it doesn't look elegant, it doesn't have personality except "I'd like to look like an elegant dutch bike, but I'm too cheap-ass to manage it". So I've looked into real lookers, like this one:
Fantastic, right? 22.3 kg, no brakes, except back-pedaling ones. Yeah right.
I hate compromise, compromise makes everyone unhappy. So, no, I'm not going to buy another city bikes like this one:
(that's the one I have, the wheels are too small to look good, the frame bends, the saddle isn't comfortable, it's too small altogether, the fenders are wrong, the wheel chain isn't fully enclosed, it looks like it was "designed by committee".
I can live with it, honest. But I don't LIKE it, and I'm not PROUD of it. I don't want to show it to everyone (apart to point out that I ride to work 4 almost everyday).
So, as my teachers said:"I don't care about your problems, I only care about your solutions".
I hereby bring you my solution to my very own problem:
TADAAAAA!!!
Yeah, I know "no compromise". But gawd, it looks gorgeous, it turns heads, and it has THAAAAAAAAT MUCH PERSONALITY. So, until I realize This Is A Bad Idea (tm), I'll be looking to buy one of these, some time in a year. As I've been thinking almost exlusively about this for the better part of 2 months now, I'll probably write more about it in the coming months).
And I'm still looking to go to Oz within a year or so. The trike may wait, friends have waited long enough (wink, wink).
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